Respect, the need of the hour

I am compelled to write this short article after the inauguration of our academic year 2017 held last 6^th February. Called it an inspiration that a thought chanced upon me to invite Shri Robert G. Lyngdoh the VC of Martin Luther Christian University as the chief guest for the august gathering, indeed it was a blessing. While receiving him at the entrance for the function, he told me that he would deliver his speech on ‘Respect’. I nod my head and patiently waited what he would say. When his turn to address the students came, I turned on the record button of my phone and recorded every word he uttered. To me his speech is a wake up call that every citizen in our country, particularly in our state needs to hear. I am not authorized to reproduce his speech on a paper like this, but I am glad to share my thoughts on what our chief guest spoke; ‘Our state has gone down (let me add my own words; gone down to the dogs) because we have lost the essence of Respect’. We have lost our sense of self-respect, respect to our friends, neighbors, parents and even God. And all the events that took place in our society arose from the lack of respect. A corrupt politician or minister of today is because he/she was not respecting him/herself while a student, he/she copied during the exams, he/she passed the exams by unfair means – self disrespect. I totally agree with him. This need to be stopped.

On the contrary, imagine how a few kind words can light up another person’s day. The librarian was cold and arrogant when Shemphang approached her for assistance. Unperturbed, he remained courteous, and when he got his book, he was genuinely grateful: “Khublei mo Kong,” he said, “you have such an interesting job. You help students like me a lot. Thank you very much!” The librarian was silent for a while. Then she smiled, and in a suddenly friendly tone told Shemphang about the length of time she had been working as a librarian. The student must have made her feel that she was, after all, a kindly, respectable person, rather than the automaton some library visitors must have made her feel to be.

Like this simple gestures of respect can sow seeds of goodwill with untold value in the hearts of appreciative folk. The respect we give and receive, as well as our self-respect, affirms our human identity. Respect is giving others the dignity they deserve as human beings, regardless of age, gender, physical looks, vocation, race, religion, political persuasion, and socioeconomic status. A gem of a virtue, respect is made up of various facets of kindness, courtesy, politeness and considerate words. Teaching our children the high moral value of respect can only be effective when parents, teachers, church ministers and public servant-leaders set good examples.

In the Holy Bible we read, that the first of God’s commandments promises: “Honor your father and mother so that you will live a long time in the land that the Lord your God is going to give you” (Exodus 20:12). But it sad to say that some young people, however, have yet to imbibe the value of respect for elders. A sample incident that took place on 11^th February Saturday: A group of teenagers were walking behind an elderly couple as we climbed up the stairs to the VIP seats on JN stadium to cheer the match between our Shillong Lajong versus the DSK Shivajians. The boys tried to get past them but couldn’t because the staircase was narrow. One of them thought of easing their impatience by mimicking the way the old lady was limping. His companions roared in boisterous laughter. I got a little frustrated to see this sort of behavior, as I calm myself down a thought came to me that such disrespectful attitude stems from bad breeding, pride, frustration, envy or anger. Some people who suffer from a feeling of insecurity or inferiority use insolent words or behavior as an armor to feel superior and in control. Disrespect often conveys prejudice and discrimination.

I am reminded of Ruth Reichl, a noted restaurant critic, wielded so much influence such that restaurants she visited treated her like royalty. One time, wanting to know how a particular restaurant would receive an insignificant-looking customer, she dressed as an aging, plain-looking woman. The restaurant staff gave her a taste of how it was to be marginalized: They made her wait a long while to be seated and served, and ignored some of her requests. This story is found in her book “Garlic and Sapphires: The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise.” But this is the way our world is going.

Shri Robert G Lyngdoh said, ‘many of the world’s conflicts are caused by disrespect’ and it is true. This human vice has ruined marriages, families, friendships, alliances and other forms of relationship. “Without respect,” Confucius wondered, “what is there to distinguish between men and beasts?” I want to add here that disrespect begets disrespect. A breakdown of civility can create a culture of oppression and violence. And this is what is taking place in our society today. If self respect is cultivated, there would be no corruption, no rape cases, no drugs so powerful to destroy our society. 

Most of us Khasis use the terms “Bah” or “Mama’ and “Kong” and the traditional gesture “lowering our heads when we passed in front of people” in expressing deference to elders and even strangers. In this age of electronic communication, these may be viewed as outdated and dispensable. But what a refreshing relief to hear many of the liberal-thinking millennial still using these words of respect and perpetuating their value. There is yet hope that respect as a trait will make our identity (as Khasis or Garos or who ever) more Human-being-like—and our state more peaceful and stable.